The hardest thing about loving someone with PTSD is the unpredictability, you will literally be tested in ways you never thought possible. one minute, you’re having a normal conversation, the next, you’re trying to put together a puzzle in the dark.
I knew that I wanted to be a writer for many years, but I didn’t know how to do it. I built a mountain, I let doubt, fear, and other things keep me from pursuing my dream, now that I decided to go all in, it has been the best experience of my life. I keep a notepad just about everywhere I go. I wake up, remembering that I wrote something down the night before, and when I regroup, I continue with the thought.
It seems like for the past few years my life has been like a stereotypical country music song; so much of my time and money has gone to my truck and my dogs (I don’t have anything against pure country, it’s one of the most sincere forms of music) My dogs are family, so I would do anything for them, and my truck is almost 13 years old, so there’s obviously going to be issues.
I’ve heard that before, I’m sure I’m stupid to some and not to others, but yes I do believe in God. I don’t like to talk religion because people are involved, and people separate people. I give thanks, first thing in the morning, several times throughout the day, and each night. it helps give me direction.
“Are you sinless?”
Absolutely not! I’m positive I’ve committed at least one each day of my adult life
“How can you believe something that you can’t see or prove?”
I don’t need to see hate to know it’s real, if anything, I imagine hate has to be disguised as something beautiful if it can appeal to so many people. I have no idea how fear works, I’m sure science can explain, but I believe it because I felt it many times.
I don’t go to a building on Sunday’s with people that may or may not only be good for an hour once a week. I know a non-believer that is probably the kindest person I’ve ever met, and I had a super religious guy steal $60 from me once. Our titles mean nothing, I could say I’m a Doctor, but if I step into an ER, my lie would be exposed quickly.
Ever since I was legal, I’ve been a fan of gambling, nothing crazy, bills and all other responsibilities come first, but I could, and have gambled all night several times. A few years ago at my last job I took a four day weekend to go to Vegas. I came back tired, but I still went to work. I had a manager that told me: “that’s what you get when you go out there with those sinners” I didn’t say anything, mostly because it was a good paying job and I needed it, but also because there was no point. I just laughed it off and went about the day. I could have said something because this man, that always talks about his Church, is a registered sex offender, charged with raping a woman that was drugged. He didn’t know that I knew, but when you work closely with HR, you learn a lot about people. I don’t know everything about what’s right and wrong, but I’m sure gambling isn’t a bad as sexual abuse.
Yes, there are people that go to church to be better, and it works, that’s awesome! I don’t have anything against it. I used to go often, but my work schedule stopped me from going for years. I still work some Sunday’s, but even if I have the day off I don’t go.
“What if you’re wrong?”
Then I guess I won’t have anything to worry about. I don’t debate other’s on their beliefs, but if have to ask: “What if you’re wrong?”
I don’t use a religious title, and I can’t say that I follow one. I just try to be a better person each day. I respect those that do the same, regardless of their beliefs. I believe in God and I’ll never be ashamed to admit, but I don’t believe in everyone that claims to believe.
I can hunt forcefully like the Lion, or scavenge like the Vulture, my instincts dictate the need. I can hunt with others for mutual gain, but I’m best when I soar alone.
I don’t travel in a pack like the Wolf, although I admire their methods. I watch them from a distance, learning their ways.
Perched, I keep a watchful eye. Some see me as unassuming, some see me as vindictive, but I just take from the Earth what she gives me.
Cloaked in Black, hidden in the twilight, I watch the world, it’s peaceful, yet complex. I’m perched under the moon until the night passes. The howls of the wolves tell me it’s morning, and I must soar another day, for I am the Raven.