Interview with N. Heinz. Fantasy and horror author.

 

Nicole! After enjoying your poetry, and reading your first book… you’re a little diamond, difficult to believe you just jumped on the writers’ tank!! How did this happen?

Honestly, one day, I just woke up and decided I was going to do it. Put myself out there and hope for the best. I knew going into the book world that not everyone would care for my writing, but I also knew right away that I’d found some kindred spirits. Read more “Interview with N. Heinz. Fantasy and horror author.”

I’m Mar.
Head of The Bold Mom.
Promoter and compulsive thinker.

“Beware of the monster” area.” by Mar G A

 

Read more ““Beware of the monster” area.” by Mar G A”

I’m Mar.
Head of The Bold Mom.
Promoter and compulsive thinker.

Kicking Cancer – Class of 2017: Andy Taylor

Read more “Kicking Cancer – Class of 2017: Andy Taylor”

I’m Mar.
Head of The Bold Mom.
Promoter and compulsive thinker.

Blaming, accusing and rejecting are not the way to care about special minds.

It’s been a long time since I wrote, because now I have amazing authors sharing their thoughts here. But today I felt like to share something.

I interact with many people everyday, read some others. The main problem people with some mental health issue have (we, have) is that we’re prey of judgments and cynicism. Introvert people never attack others, but you become a bull’s eye. Because you’re quiet, you’re arrogant (a relation that has always surprised me, but it’s real, and common because I have been told some times).

Society is complex. And not fitting is a real emotional problem. Because you need to become very strong and self confident as to not caring about being different. And if something misses in introvert/quiet/OCD’s/etc people, is self confidence. The “funny” fact about that, is that in an aim for being the same as everyone, the most beautiful people in this planet don’t even recognize each other, because all of them are pretending, and suffering. 

You get corrected, blamed, told off. You get excluded, attacked, misunderstood. “Why are you sad? Cheer up!” “Why are you so obsessed with things? Just be happy!” “Just stop doing that!” Are those familiar to you? You know what, one a soul shines bright in one direction, the opposite one stays in the shadows. A brilliant mind will have a escape of energy somewhere. A very intelligent person is very susceptible to suffer OCD, because the same capability of absorbing, processing, retaining information is the same that provokes obsessions and compulsive behavior. And people around blaming you, get it worse.

An extremely sensitive person, easily will catch depressive periods or lack of concentration, because their emotions blow them up. They are able to feel things the rest we don’t even dream of. And people around blaming you, make it worse.

And I could go on. But I don’t want to get anyone bored. When I’m nervous or stressed by something (which happens with ease) I become even more compulsive, I drink tons of water, I can’t focus, I draw without measure to the point that I get my hands all black and if I finish my sheets then I draw on napkins. Because I have venom to expulse. I don’t mean to be understood, I don’t need anyone to tell me “calm down”. You can’t say “be happy” to a depressive. You can’t tell to slow down to an OCD. Do you know what we need? I need someone to bring me more charcoal because “where the fuck all my charcoal went” is my only thought. My only compulsive, circular, obsessive thought.

And I won’t hear anything in that moment.

Do you know what to do with a depressive person? Stop with trash about how beautiful life is. Bring them some strawberry ice cream and lay down on the floor with them. Because that, too, will go away. Keep your wisdom for you, that is NOT the moment.

You can’t tell to a ADHD (deficit of attention and hyperactivity) to stop and listen to you, to stop worrying. Do you know why? because that awesome mind is thinking about ten million things, and the last thing they need to stand is you claiming their attention. They need to calm down by themselves, to slowly, place their thoughts and, at the right time, they will reach out your hand.

To push us, only destroys our self steem. Because I don’t know why a compulsive thought controls my mind. Another one doesn’t know why suddenly life makes no sense at all, and another won’t just be able to even look at you or hear you. You cannot help being hungry when you don’t eat. We can’t control those needs either.

Destroying a person’s feelings to make them fit among regular people, just make things worse. If you love someone, you will accept them just the way they are. If you cannot understand, and cannot resist the impulse to correct them, then let us go. Many people is not used to respect. All of us fill our mouths with words of humbleness and respect but at the end of the day, that is very rare to find.

Listen, special minds lead to special behaviors. 

It’s not better. It’s not worse. It’s just something no one can understand, not even us, and you can get better through many ways, but you will always be who you already are.

“Something is wrong with you”

“You’re crazy, insane”

“You’re unbearable”

“Stop worrying so much”

Before telling this to someone who cannot control what they do, just leave them alone. Is like someone blaming you because you’re sleepy at night. Showing support, sometimes is as simple as not asking questions. Accepting how they feel, without any judgement or prejudice.

Let me tell you something, the most beautiful minds I have known so far, are special. Crazy? Insane? Compulsive? hyperactive? LOL yes, I can tell. Crazy, amazing, brilliant minds.

And if I have to, often, lay on the floor, bring emergency 4am ice cream, hear a dissertation about why roses are red, cry with them or sit next to someone for an hour until they realize I’m there, it will be definitely worth it.

 

I’m Mar.
Head of The Bold Mom.
Promoter and compulsive thinker.

To all beautiful special minds out there.

Who already follow my work, know that part of it wants to be a little shelter to special “beautiful minds”, which happens to be The Bold Mom. I use to receive emails from people telling me things and, today I received one from a sweetheart who, in a determined moment said “can I be a beautiful mind too?” Oh my, I teared up because, that shows a depth of sadness and loneliness who could demolish anyone. So, beyond responding her, I wanted to share something here.
Certain kind of overthinking/compulsive/circular minds are difficult to deal with, because they require a huge amount of strength to handle them. It takes courage and a bold heart to take the reigns.
These people are often (very often) misunderstood, moved aside, judged. You find yourself alone, introspected, introverted and your inner world turns as passionate as your thoughts allow you to.

Listen to me: you are not wrong. You are not weird. You are different. Yes, different. And what? To me, most of the times it comes down to one thing: fierceness. When you feel everything in a very sensorial, visceral, deep way, you free the chains of your stinking thinking. Why? Because you can’t (yet) control the intensity of your thoughts. Sharp, intense, throbbing. Sometimes, scary, harrowing, savage. The feeling of losing control make your mind shake and what you feel is that something is very, very wrong with you.

Let me tell you something: No. Do you need to learn more than others? Yes. Do you need guide? Yes, you do. Do you need to find the right person/people to hold your hand? Yes.

Are you different? Yes. Beautifully different, dear.

First step, start your way to love yourself. Difficult? Oh my you have no idea. But not impossible, and it pays off. I, myself, needed lots of discipline, hard lessons and pain to hold my horses. But now I couldn’t be more proud. That’s why, once I step on my feet, I want to rise others up. Because you are strong yourself, but you need the inertia of someone pulling you up.

Look for people who love you just for the way you are.
I read lots of bullshit, look, it’s easy. Who loves you, will never make you feel humiliated, bring you down or put you in a dangerous situation. You don’t need someone to sing you virtues, you need someone who holds, not your hand, your arm firmly.

Love your fierceness, your intensity, because although it makes you walk more alone than others, when you find your place, you’ll be able to sense every single emotion with a sharpness you had never experienced before.

Don’t let others judge you.
Turn away. Forgive. Forget.
Do not tolerate anything but a true gentleman.
Do not accept anything but a true lady.

And yes, they do exist. Believe me.

Your mind is not to blame, it’s a blessing.
I know you are beautiful. Now it’s your turn.

 

theboldmom@gmail.com

I’m Mar.
Head of The Bold Mom.
Promoter and compulsive thinker.