“Before you call her a slut” by Joseph Vasquez

I don’t mean to offend by the provocative title

 

I’ve been a romance writer for the past few years, and in this time, I’ve been asked several questions; one question, in particular, made me evaluate my life in so many ways:

“So you write for women, and talk about how they should be treated, have you ever degraded one?”

My answer:

“If I ever did, it wasn’t without her consent.”

That answer got me out of an awkward situation, and even though it was the truth, it was not right.

I personally know four victims of sexual abuse, these women shared their past, and how it affects the choices they make today. The one thing these women have in common is the fact that they can’t explain why they seek something they don’t want, they don’t understand why they seek out something that has been so traumatic.

We glorify the sexualization of women, some use this as an excuse to treat them as objects, some use this to justify the fulfilling of vile desires. If anything, we need to glorify the correct treatment of women. Society adopts a philosophy, and the majority of people agree, the modern philosophy is doing more harm than good; eg: Everyone on social media “Likes” your half nude body, but if you become a victim of sexual abuse, it’s of course because of the way you parade yourself.

Women are natural survivors, but no one should have to survive the mental torture of sexual abuse. She is not a slut! She’s a Woman, and she is the greatest gift in the world, it’s time we treat her as such.

Instead of exploiting her, let’s give her the power to hear, let’s teach her that she is the gateway to life, and let’s teach him to respect and value her.

I live in beautiful, sunny Southern California, the longest I’ve gone without a dog is two weeks, and I’m going to write until I can’t anymore.

YOU ARE DIFFERENT, YOU ARE PERFECT.

There are plenty of non-written social rules you need to accomplish to fit as a “normal person”.
Your mind, thoughts and decisions must be one way or another; your choices and actions,
coherent; your judgments, fair and judicious.
That is so beautiful. And perhaps, it fits for most of the people but, when your mind works
different, when it’s difficult for you to control compulsive thoughts or obsessive rituals, when you
are sensitive in other ways. When you spend your nights awake and your days exhausted. When
you need certain things to release your mind, sometimes, you just can’t find your place, and
torture yourself for not being what you are “supposed” to.
Some people around you will love you just the way you are, others, will blame you because they
can’t understand (most of them). The rest, will disappear. But you are your worst enemy, and this
contradiction keeps you always on fight against yourself, which doesn’t let you go ahead with your
life in a happy way. Doubts, guilty and sadness follow you everywhere as loyal emotions, always
ready to ruin your relations and situations. You want to be good enough, but you don’t get there
and don’t even know why. Just, the rock on your shoulders grows and grows and you just get used
to it.
As you get older, and start finding the right (few) people in your life, you realize a lot of people like
you exist. For different reasons and experiences, but they are there too. Sometimes, you are lucky
enough as to find someone who, knowing it or not, works for you as a guide, and it only takes to
change a thought to realize, you are just beautiful the way you are. As you are able to love, share
and be a good person, you are amazing as any other soul out there. All your pain comes right from
prejudices which slowly broke you into pieces. Self-steem is a very delicate thing in a cactus field.
And once your mind takes determined routes since you are a kid, it’s very complicated to change
them. But not impossible.
You must learn to love yourself from the beginning. Yes, all over again, as when you learnt to read.
Forgive all your mistakes, understand them, forgive everyone who didn’t, and go on with your life
just the way you need it. And first of all, accept yourself just the way you are, with your good
things and the bad ones, with your anxiety, obsessions, sleepless nights, fears, ghosts,
compulsions, rituals and ways out. You are still a wonderful soul looking for your place, lost
perhaps, needing an anchor to hold on to, but yet a little mess wanting to share the kind of love
only you can offer, in all ways.
My first advice for the little lost souls is, surround yourself with people similar to you, so you can
create a small “comfort zone” where to start working from. Someone to talk to without being
judged. Find the little things that make you feel realized, complete and proud (no matter how small
they are) and use them as tools to go through your day.
Nowadays you hear everybody say “be brave! leave your comfort zone!” and it’s amazing, but only
if you have your mind controlled first. You need to be the owner of your thoughts and feelings
before you jump the cliff. Do not obsess with goals, just, step by step. It’s OK, you’re doing great.
Be proud, be proud of your personal successes and never compare yourself to another one,
because the greatness of the soul is not measured in terrenal units. Sometimes, being able to
make another broken person smile or make them feel supported, is greater than any other
material success in life. Never bring you down, give yourself credit, because the light of your spirit
is willing to spread as brighter as any other one, and the cover (where all your fears and traumas
remain) is only a layer over a perfect, loving, beautiful being, able to love and be loved.
Do what is good for you. You specially need your space, your time, your silence. Take it, tell the
others and make them understand. It’s OK, it’s perfectly fine to have different needs. Who won’t
understand, you don’t need them in your life. Just exercise your response to those, you need only
to forgive and smile. You have the right to be happy your own way, and when you start realizing
that, the right people will appear in your life, attracted by your good energy. And never forget to
help who needs you, because as you are, you will find lost people along the way. Never forget how
broke you were, and focus your knowledge and experience on something positive, strong and good
for the rest.
You are just, perfect.

I’m Mar.
Head of The Bold Mom.
Promoter and compulsive thinker.

Broken dolls

I’m Mar.
Head of The Bold Mom.
Promoter and compulsive thinker.

May my drawings reach my freedom.

THE BOLD MOM DRAWING mermaids mar-watercolor-art-drawing-mermaids-2-wm

May my drawings live all I cannot.

Keep safe my secrets,

And find sweet peace in the dark.

 

They are free to cross the oceans,

Crawl into pleasure

Their soul, bounded up.

 

No fears, no noise, no confessions.

Just silence, warm and cuffs.

 

May my drawings, little creatures,

grab this freedom, and fly.

When a cage has no locks,

but your trembling, cold and sad.

I’m Mar.
Head of The Bold Mom.
Promoter and compulsive thinker.

You are your own savior bold. Start today

Image from s-a-d-i--s-t-i-c
Image from s-a-d-i–s-t-i-c

When an animal finds itself cornered, is the precise moment when it’s more dangerous.

All its fury and anger boil in its arteries and just a blade can make it dynamite. No thoughts, no fear, no regrets.

This is the kind of situations life puts you through to prove your skills at losing control and repress yourself.

Take it not as Hell, just as a blessing, because when you get over it, you are strong as an anchor, and no rock will be ever able to stand in your way.

I know you have problems, terrible, perhaps? I know. Let me tell you, you are the key. You are the only hammer you need to destroy your own jail.

Save yourself, do not depend on other’s strength. Accept good influences, but your fight, is only yours. Remember that

Do it. Start today.

I’m Mar.
Head of The Bold Mom.
Promoter and compulsive thinker.