Confidence, Confidence?….CONFIDENCE! This is definitely something I had to deal with growing up. Now whether your a young man or young woman we all had come to a time where we had to step up and take action, and it’s actually quite difficult for many of us, (I know for some it’s easy) but for the rest of us it’s a lot of times easier to “just” stay quiet and let someone talk over us. I’ve been doing some thinking (again) and I looked deep into myself and wondered who I am as a “adult” and I noticed in my past that it wasn’t always as easy to stand up and say something or even go into something uncertain as it is now.
Nowadays if I know something isn’t right or I have to do something I’ve never done before, someone needs a talking too or something needs fixing then I go into it with confidence and I understand that being an adult means you are required by the world to stand up and take aim. but HOW do we ask? Well allow me to expound (in my opinion).
Let’s start when we were young, it’s amazing to find out when growing up, that how many factors (which sometimes turn out to be very very small) shape us into who we are now. Factors that can really have a huge impact on our lives and contribute to our personality.
Take for example my mother and I, growing up and at the time it was just the two of us, when it came to talking to people she hardly spoke for me, which in my opinion was a great thing to teach her child (because it worked!) if there was a moment where I had to ask someone for help finding something at a library or waving down a waiter to correct an order, I was told to speak up for myself and simply just say something. Which for me unknowingly helped me with my shyness. (which at first I did suffer from at first) and at the same time it taught me how to manner myself and also speak correctly. Because without actually knowing how to talk ,people won’t take you seriously. (ya feel mi? haha jk moving on).
So cut to years later, after being made to speak up for ourselves and now we all have to do this, now we don’t have mommy to speak for us, (where did all that time go?!) Anyway, if something’s wrong then you have to go fix it. You have to be capable of solving any problems that come your way, no momma, no ghost busters to call, its all you ,baby. So If it’s anything from correcting the spelling of your name at the MVD (If you happen to have a name like mine) to telling the waiter you had gotten pancakes instead of waffles like you ordered (if you happen to have had a waiter like mine) then you have to just say something.
Now don’t get me wrong ,I’ve been going into this as if I’m telling you to argue with the clerk or throw your pancakes across the room. NO.. that’s not what I’m saying, don’t throw your pancakes , I know for a fact that some people don’t know this but there is a better way to talk to people.
What is that forgotten method you may ask?…Well it’s point number one: Politely
I know many of you are as sweet as they come but this isn’t for you, this is for the people who think they are the most important thing in YOUR day, which in a way they can be (but that’s for another time) If you think about it most people are more likely to happily oblige your request if you just treat them like another equal human being (which they are) and I know, already I can imagine people responding to this with the whole “Well if they are not nice to me, then I’m not going to be nice to them” (end statement with open mouth breathing) Didn’t I just say we were all adults now? with jobs and stuff, think about that phrase, go ahead take a second to chew on it,
Ok, once you think about it , you would agree that you would hear that exact phrase in a school yard coming from the very children we love and need to teach, the point is that having that attitude can be toxic especially as life move beyond the monkey bars.
All of us now in this cold, mean, self destructive adult world know that having that horrible attitude to other people can actually get you by (sadly) ,But I have hope! because there are things we all believe in, a certain code we all live by and luckily momma taught you exactly what those are or dad, or grandma or even perhaps you developed them on your own. (which is awesome either way) for me I hadn’t fully understood any of this at first . I’ve learned as time went by that “It’s not to get people to like you it’s to get people to respect you by first respecting them.” Normally the whole “people liking you” part will follow because your an awesome person! (ya goofball!)
When I was a kid asking for a refill at the restaurant table. At first I had thought it was mom just being mom telling me to say Please, Thank you and Excuse me.. but now I know it to be that she was slowly preparing me for the world. Again Thank You Momma for keeping your cool (most of the time) and shaping what a decent person should be with feelings and stuff, I was afraid to in the beginning, I never wanted to say anything to anyone just so there wasn’t a chance that I would some how rock the boat and it would be all my fault but that’s okay, we have to remember to “be proud to have said anything at all!”
so yes please! people let’s,
chew with your mouth closed,
let the cell phone remain out of sight at the table
take care of your things and people
open doors for anyone,
just say please when asking and thank you when receiving anything
even a compliment,
congratulate people and tell them they did a good job when they actually did,
Let’s be people who not only can talk correctly and firmly but be able to listen to others and consider their point of view. Be open minded and realize your not the only one in the room. Let your actions ,the way you dress and present yourself speak before you do.
(and perhaps later I’ll get into another article going over a lot of different guidelines that help be mannerful in case nobody’s momma taught them.)
I know some of you are still having trouble with it and lets address a huge factor in confidence- and which happens to be number two : Attitude.
Have you ever caught yourself talking to yourself and saying “Wow today is going to be a long one” “I have this exam to take” or “I have a deadline to meet” or “I have to meet my girlfriends parents”,” I’m standing on the scale hasn’t and it hasn’t changed” “I’m having a bad day at work” and already we find ourselves either already counting yourself out or preparing for disappointment or worst you take it out on someone else who doesn’t deserve it, and all because it’s hard. (I know I have once or twice) it’s a normal human thing to feel BUT! one sure fire thing to accomplishment or a better word “success” in anything is of course Attitude. (I’m sure we’ve all seen it in a meme somewhere on Facebook or saw it on a poster in our principles office about attitude) but really who am I kidding? It’s pretty easy to tell you to stop doubting yourself but what I want people to get is for you to tell yourself to stop doubting yourself (try saying that five times fast) Instead of doubt or focusing on the enviable you should (and I already know this isn’t going to happen over night but) think a little bit more positively , slowly changing mindset, “baby steps”. In one of my favorite quotes by Pablo Picasso is “Others have seen what is and asked why. I have seen what could be and asked why not.” Now that sticks to me because its a open attitude of possibilities and creativity. Although changing ones outlook on life isn’t easy or quick it definitely is possible. All it takes (I believe) is commitment which happens to be point number three!
Commitment and Discipline: (I honestly have no idea how many points I’m going to make in here, I just write what I feel so if this is feeling like a list of tips and tricks and hacks and such I’m sorry perhaps that’s for another time, but moving on!)
When you want to be more confident you change your outlook, you become an effective person to others and not only speak for yourself but you find that you end up speaking for others as well. Which is paramount for people with families, husbands and wives, leaders of any kind professional or not it’s just something required out of us if we expect to go anywhere or say anything. being committed is beautiful thing and it takes a lot of work and focus. commitment to an idea, a person, a practice like a religion , your family and community or even to yourself is going to come with it’s challenges, In every thing there will be things you don’t like, and the option of walking away from it is always present and will sometimes even seem tempting to do so, I know some people ask “How can it be tempting to leave my family? or my wife or husband”.
Well, it’s hard for me to see it too, personally I can’t see myself doing any of those things but being someone who wants to connect to people on all levels I have to consider other peoples point of views. Not everyone is the same, not every situation is the same. I’ve talked with people who have jumped out of a marriage simply because the other is too toxic to themselves and the people around them, and so in that position that person didn’t stop loving the other, they never meant to stop committing, but rarely, some things you just have to put down (read my last article) it was just a question of their choices and safety vs. her choice and the children’s safety, and it’s a difficult choice to make but once she noticed that there wasn’t anymore she can do to help him, she had to go and at least leave room for him to eventually help himself down the road which he did. Situations like that are a hard part of life and if enough thought is put into it, it isn’t something to be ashamed of. Commit to whatever is important in your life, take a moment to reflect and assess. I believe it is essential for improving oneself and maintaining once accomplished the positive attitude and commitment will get you where you need to go and make you feel like you earned it once you get there.
Like I say in all these things I write is that it all boils down to you and what you want. Again sometimes I think that perhaps it’s just me trying to figure out what I want to improve on and what has worked for me in the past ,Confessing to all of you that I’m still trying to figure it out too and letting all of you know that “you aren’t alone” but at the same time ironically telling you “you are alone and you have to make it happen for yourself and your loved ones.” (because I can’t help you personally, most of you know me through a cellphone or computer screen but perhaps I can inspire in another level, I want to be that beneath irrelevant thought in the back of your mind until eventually it may apply to something you come across in your life, by openly saying what I feel, I hope you gain perceptive out of each article I write) and in this one, today I’ve noticed that manners, attitude and commitment have brought me to many exciting things ,met many exciting people and got me through some tough times and I hope you can do the same. Today let’s figure out what your option is and how its all been your decision from the beginning. Lets decide to be exceptional, polite, committed people. How are you going to get things done? it’s okay to rock the boat every once in awhile and be that stand up adult I know you can be. So please stand up, please?